Monday, December 14, 2009

In Light of Recent Events . . .

In light of recent events, I decided it's time to tell some jokes! Not just any jokes, TIGER WOODS JOKES!!!!

Okay, so what's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three hos!!

Tiger Woods owns a lot of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one!

Elin Nordegren asked her marriage counselor why, next time, she should go after Tiger with a 9-iron instead of the 3-iron she used the morning after thanksgiving?
The counselor said “Because, now you’re closer to the green.” Get it? Huh? HUH?

The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."

Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?

What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. (Technically, she's Swedish, but it's funnier this way.)

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

And now, my fav youtube spoof.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Chillin' Like a Villain

Christmas Party yesterday was seriously fun . . . but Brad and his two friends kind of treated it like a gay orgie. It was weird. I can't even describe how strange it was. But I got to see my friends, and I haven't seen them in months.


I promise I'll tell you all about it. And, by you all, I mean type pointlessly to myself. But that's cool . . . whatever T.T

For today, I'm just gonna relax, and not work on anything.

Friday, December 11, 2009

This is NOT the Place for a Good Agnostic Girl!!!!

What is with all these Christian blogs???? I'm just browsing around, and I see six Christian blogs in a row. There's nothing wrong with being Christian, but how 'bout some variety here???? Well, I'm not exactly a Christian's best friend. Apparently, if you tell them you're Agnostic, you're either a devil worshipper or an atheist. One day I should just say, "YES I AM DOING LUCIFER'S BIDDING! HE WANTS ME TO EAT YOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!"

Dirty, Dirty Girl

So, today was really boring except for lunch. Lunch is always awesome. We were sitting at the lunch table, and a hobby of Veronica's is to write dirty notes to the table behind us. She writes them to someone we shall call "Lancelot". So, she always writes something like, "I love you, please buttfuck me." Something to that effect. So she writes one saying that, and sends it over.
The guys read it, and Lancelot says, "Put a bag over your head, and sure." Ronny's quick response was, "So you can pretend it's a guy? You really don't like girls??" It was hilarious. You had to be there. Anyway, they crumple up the paper, and throw it at Cindy. Cindy, being the vulgar person that she is, gets out a tampon, puts it in an envelope and marks it "The 'other' table". She throws it over, and they open it. I sware to God, as soon as they open it, they all jump off the table and start freaking out. Aw, good times.

Also, there are these girls in front of us that always make fun of Anthony's ears. I understand why. He looks like his mom had an affair with Dumbo and out popped Anthony. It's weird, because his brother is REALLY hot. Oh well. So later on, I do my impression of the girls for my friend Meggo, and she thinks it's hysterical, because they're black, so I'm trying to use the accent. So now, I'm blacky, she's whitey, and together we make Oreo. So now, if anyone reads this, you may refer to me as blacky.

Christmas party tomorrow!!

See ya.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

My First Day As A Blogger.

Hello, anybody who actually gives a damn.

This is my first post. I think I'm gonna treat this like a web diary. YOU, dear reader, will get an inside look into my head. Don't worry, I'm not going to post crappy poetry, or talk about how much I hate my life. At least I don't think I will. Who knows? It is only day one. So, just don't post comments that say that you wanna kill me or something. Because I will say things you may not like. Be gentle. ;)

Let's start off with my day. I go to a . . . let's just say a school. Believe me, it's for the best, because I have trouble with subtelty. School sucks. But then, if you were ever a teenager, you would know that already. I have a crap-load of batshit crazy teachers. My science teacher (let's call him Mr. Turtle) likes skulls, doesn't shower except for once a week, and likes to watch his pet turtles have sex (understand the name now?). My history teacher is a complete idiot, who thinks she's a Russian princess (we shall call her Anastasia). I also have a funny English teacher, who's sarcasm is very close to mine. I also think he is incredibly attractive, in a gangly, grungy, and dorky kind of way, and would jump his bones if he didn't have a kid or a wife. I think the only normal teacher I have is my Spanish teacher, and he's Guatemalan. I don't even understand what he's saying half the time.

Now we go to ma buds. I'll make up names as I go along. My lunch table consists of my very homosexual friend, Max. There is also the unseperatable couple, Anthony and Cassie. They are really mushy sometimes, and I wanna pop 'em in the face, but it's probably just because I'm jealous . . . maybe. They are also both band-geeks. He's more geeky than her. There is also Cindy, ginger no. 1. She's sort of a grungy girl, and is disturbingly vulgar. The next one at my lunch table is Rebecca. She's a goth. Tongue ring and all. But she's so tiny, she's like a dark pixie. Last is Veronica. She's ginger no. 2, a Varsity volleyball player, and sort of a skank. But I love her anyway. Part of it's probably because she's not the brightest crayon in the box. Not that she's dumb, she just makes dumb choices. ALL THE TIME.

I also went to a different school last year. I'll tell you all about that when something comes up involving my other friends.

So, now ya now. We're on the same page.
See ya.